I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
