I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
