Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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