Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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