Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
