I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I could fuck to npr.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
