she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
don't judge my taste in strippers
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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