after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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