I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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