walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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