I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
