It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
