Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
