did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
