Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
