Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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