yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
