Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
