Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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