you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
All the doctor said was why
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
