She is in my trunk
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just found puke in my bra..
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
