I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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