My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
