Ambien. No doubt about it.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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