I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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