: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
