ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
