i barfeds in our rink
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
