just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
