Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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