Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
