Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think your dad took our porno
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
