He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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