SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
