her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
