I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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