i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
