my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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