Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
