im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
