Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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