Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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