I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
