just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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