I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
