If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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