i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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