so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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