i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
