I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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