You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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